What yoga is for me
I honestly still don’t know and I’m still in the process of finding the answers. Maybe there is not one answer, or any. But I know I want to listen better to this voice and feel more of this feeling that I feel in my gut that I’m not sure of what it is. I just now that this yoga industry has so many things that I don’t like. Is there a place for me? Is there a way for me how I can create and spread my knowledge? And learn more about the things I so deeply love and feel so passionate about?
Ever since I have finished my yoga teacher training in Rishikesh India I’ve been finding my way in this yoga community. Which means teaching group classes and private classes, trying out different yoga studios here in Barcelona for my own group practice and finding yoga influencers on instagram and YouTube that resonate with me. Also listening to podcasts ranging from Ram Dass to Yoga Girl, reading blogs of the big and well known websites but also of the smaller websites. Reading books on the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, commentaries on the Bhagavad Gita and books on the anatomy of yoga. Basically opening my mind and heart for all things yoga.
This is hard
I must say this process has been hard for me. And i’m figuring out how I can stay positive, trusting and confident, that I will find my way and keep my heart open and vulnerable. So I will be able to grow and find my way.
Because a lot of things that I find on the surface of this industry is not what yoga is to me.
And I say on the surface because once I started digging deeper and listening better to my gut feeling I hear that I’m not that white skinny flexible instagram girl that posts the most difficult yoga asana (postures). And that is ok! At first, and still sometimes, these type of posts or YouTube videos of yoga influencers sponsored by the big yoga brands would be the people for me to look up to. The postures to aim for. I would see a perfectly looking instagram feed or a perfect vinyasa flow with a matching quote and it would leave me thinking: ‘I can’t do this, what is the fastest way for me to be able to do this?’, or even ‘I’m not good enough to be a teacher because i can’t do certain postures.’
Your thoughts are your reality
And as I’m a firm believer that:
Everything is made out of energy including you and your thoughts.
Everything is therefore connected: energy attracts energy.
Like a magnet your thoughts will attract reality.
Everything you live now is created by yesterday’s thoughts.
And what you think today, will shape your future.
The thought and feelings I got from being confronted with the western world yoga felt toxic in my body and mind. And It became a negative spiral to a point where i felt lost and not passionate anymore of what yoga really is to me and what I learned about this amazing lifestyle in India.
I wanted this feeling back that I felt in India, because I want to create a yoga practice and teach yoga classes based on what I learned and what I love about yoga. So I needed to change my focus and thought patterns in order to find the deeper layers behind the superficial ‘pretty asana photos’. I needed to stop comparing and start focusing on my path.
Meditating to ground
Meditating on positive affirmations and questions such as:
I trust that everything is working for me, not against me
I love myself exactly the way I am
I am getting better with practice perseverance and patience
what do I need, who I am in this yoga community?
who do I want to be?
what do I want to learn?
By doing this my practice on the mat felt more focused and grounded and more authentic to. I do want to practice more difficult postures but not with the goal to make a pretty picture to post on instagram. I want to practice those because I want to keep challenging my body and my mind in a safe way, in a way that feels good to me, in a way that makes me feel on top of the world.
The most beautiful thing of this continuous practice is that with this energy I find more and more information on this topic and people who share this idea. I feel I am not alone in this. I am open to find authentic people who truly inspire me by being themselves by sharing their struggles, questions, passion and love for life and yoga.
As I entered the studio in my normal day to day wear, i was welcomed by one of the yoga teachers. I recognized him from the videoclips on the website. In my best spanish I said that I was a little early and he replied that everybody will be coming soon.
In this part 3 I will share my routines, or not?
This is part 2 where I will share what I learned about living in a community.