My motivation to move to the other side of the world
Moving to Thailand was never on my list. What has been on my list for over a year now is that I want experience abroad. Why? I want to challenge myself, get out of my comfort zone. But above all I want a big and drastic change of scenes. After a life changing experience of the death of my mother I am longing for a different, new and fresh perspective on everything my life has been up until now.
Then this opportunity occurred to move to Bangkok. It feels scary, new, exciting, crazy and exactly what I’ve been longing for. I’d like to share my motivation behind this move.
The first year after my mother died from cancer, I lived like a cave woman. Managing life by waking up, going to work and sleeping took all my energy. Over a year later I started to see the small good things life had to offer. I slowly realised I had to take my life back in my own hands. I made some decisions that helped me with this. This is when my desire for a big change on my perspective on life started.
Slowly but surely
I started by investing a lot of time and energy in understanding who I was and what I wanted out of life (This process never stopped). I got a great coach that helped me with this. In short I figured out I actually had a dream. My dream (back then 2 years ago) was to have my own business with a focus on design. Parallel to this process I felt the desire for a big change growing. This was not only about having my own business.
I wanted a change that life didn’t force upon me, a change that was my own decision. I wanted to get out of my comfort zone, a life changing positive experience.
This need for this became more clear with time. I figured living in a different country, learning about a new culture, getting to know new people would be the perfect formula for me. I did a ton of research on discovering how I would me able to do this; from doing a master in New York, to an internship in Barcelona. But nothing really lifted off. This period had so many ups and downs and contradictions. I miss my mother. with every (small) move I make. I want to give her a call and talk about it, the way we talked about everything. Her death can be a motivation to make the best of my life, but it also sucks out all the energy within seconds, questioning myself what this life is about.
This feeling will always be there. It’s something I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. I can’t accept her not being here. But I can find a way to deal with it.
For over a year I asked the universe to give me experience abroad. At first it scared me to say it out loud, even to my closest friends. I kept it to myself for a while. Once I opened up about it I started seeing opportunities. I travelled to Asia for the first time and I met people who had experience abroad. I wanted to know everything about it. It became a part of my life without me actually doing it.
I believe in energy. I believe that when you’re spreading your question, desire or statement to the world, it will give you energy back. I want to believe that the energy I’m sending out into the world is giving me back what I’m ready for. I’ve been asking for a change, well it’s happening. Moving to Bangkok is making me do things I never thought I would be capable of. it’s challenging me on all levels. It’s exciting and scary at the same time.
I honestly still don’t know and I’m still in the process of finding the answers. Maybe there is not one answer, or any, but I know I want to listen better to this voice and feel more of this feeling that I feel in my gut that I’m not sure of what it is.
In this part 3 I will share my routines, or not?
This is part 2 where I will share what I learned about living in a community.